Blended Not Shaken Ministries and Publications

Christian step/single parent and blended families ministry.

While you are waiting

Biblical advice for ‘single again’ desiring re-marriage.

In my time ministering to Christians who were ‘single again’, there was always a need to sensitively address the ways in which such individuals were to conduct themselves and the posture their attitude and mind must adopt as Christians who were waiting for a new spouse for re- marriage. While this desire can be very strong while waiting, it’s important to remember that is advantageous for ourselves, our children and our loved ones to allow the ‘wait’ time to be such that it glorifies the Lord and is obedient to His ways.

Here are the main points I use to minister to those who are ‘waiting’.

  1. Commit your desire/s to the Lord

It’s ok to pray for a new spouse. It’s ok to talk to the Lord about your desires for re-marriage, done in His time and His way. But it’s imperative to commit your desires for a new spouse to Him. In committing your way/desires/life to the Lord, you are in essence saying, “Lord, your know my heart’s desires. But Your ways are better than mine and Your will for my life is what I desire the most. Align my will with Yours.” You are handing over the reins. You are getting out of the driver’s seat. You are taking yourself off the throne of your life and allowing the Lord to be in control. An old King David said it this way..

“Trust in the Lord and do good. Dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light and your justice as the noonday. Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him..” Psalm 37:3-7a

2. Foster a spirit of contentment

Being content would have to be one of the hardest virtues to grasp. Especially when you think you are missing out on what so many others around you appear to be enjoying. But scripture is clear about how important contentment is. The apostle Paul put it best when he said to the Philippians,

“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. I know how to be in need and in plenty. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and hungry, both to abound and suffer need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ” Philippians 4:11-13

He said similar to Timothy in his first letter to him,

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Be content in your singleness. Be content to let the Lord have His way. Be content to trust His timing.

3. Wait upon the Lord

This waiting upon the Lord is an active process. We wait upon the Lord through the reading and meditation of His Word, prayer and devotion and worship. Biblical waiting is seen as a precious process because this waiting focuses on HIM, not on ourselves or our circumstances. We are promised that,

“Those who wait upon the Lord shall never be put to shame.” Psalm 25:3 and

“Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings of eagles, they shall run and not grow weary. They shall walk and not grow faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Also,

“Blessed are those who wait for Him.” Isaiah 30:18 and,

“Wait for the Lord and keep His way and He will exalt you to inherit the land. ” Psalm 37:34

And another to end..

“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7

4. Recognise your completeness in Him

A spouse- even the best one out there, can never ‘complete’ you. A spouse can complement your life but they certainly cannot complete your life. Only Christ can do that. Only in Christ are you complete. Paul said this to the Colossians,

“Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy or empty deceit, according to the traditions of men, according to the basic principles of this world and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily, and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” Colossians 2:8-10

The apostle Peter stated,

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness, though the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.” 2 Peter 1:3

5. Avoid idleness and temptation

While waiting, it’s imperative to keep active pursuing godly activities, fellowshipping with fellow believers and investing your time, talent and treasures wisely. Try to avoid situations that may place you in a compromising position that tempts you to sin. I’d go so far to say- Flee from such circumstances! Paul advised young Timothy,

“You are a man of God, flee ungodliness and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness and gentleness.” 1 Timothy 6:11 and

“Now flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace with those who call on the Lord with a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22

I can personally relate to the ‘waiting’ process and how difficult it can be. But I can also tell you that when I committed my life and future to the Lord, the peace and contentment I gained as a result was immensely precious. I saw my Heavenly Father in a new and most beautiful light. I sensed His love, His provision and His providential power in deeper and more profound ways. For every season of waiting, for no matter what (or who) it’s for, every Christian can use it as another opportunity to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus and hold on to the sure hope that one day, our waiting will be forever over.

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TESTIMONIALS

What people say?

My Two Houses was one of my favourite books as a younger person. It helped me understand how I was feeling about having two homes. I feel as though Karina’s books have simplified a confusing situation, in a way for all ages to understand.

Charlotte

There is affirmation and encouragement to single dads and mums through “Let’s shout out to single dads” and “Sing a song to single mums”, anchoring their value, peace and endurance in the Word of God.

Librarian

Clear, fun explanations in “My family bush” of hard to decipher terms like half-brother and half-sister, full brother or sister, step-parent and how they connect to the relationships within a family.  Relating that to Jesus’ own family could be a revelation to children that their own family structure is not so different after all, that families who love and care for each other are part of God’s plan, no matter how they are made up.

Librarian

One step at a time: a step family journal“ is an honest, humorous yet life and faith affirming read for those approaching and in middle years. The use of illustrations in the text make it appealing and engaging.

Librarian

Karina’s books are very helpful when you struggle to relate to a child of separated or divorced parents when you haven’t experienced this yourself. I have quietly read or given time for a child to read one of the books and then wait for their responses. I find Karina’s books extremely helpful in my ministry to children.

Chaplain

I am often in awe of God’s amazing timing! My morning began with feelings of despair over a family relationship that had broken down. I poured out my heart to the Lord, seeking His comfort and guidance. A short time later there was a knock on my door and the postie handed me a package. It was Karina’s book “Sing a Song to Single Mums”. As I read, I came across a page that spoke directly to my situation!

Even down to the illustration! My day ended with renewed hope in God’s promise that He works all things… good things and bad things… together, for the good of those who love Him. I am so thankful to Karina for writing such a beautiful book and for the Lord’s timing in delivering it into my hands precisely when I needed to read it!

Single Mum

Caught in the Middle is one of my favourite books because, whenever I read it, I feel close to God.

River

I read My Two Houses with my entire Year 5 class. They loved it! It began a wonderful conversation which allowed many students to be vulnerable enough to be open about their feelings and situations at home as well as to a better understanding of what some of their classmates go through with divorced parents.

Primary Teacher

I have used My Two Houses with a 13-year boy during one of my sessions with him. He loved that he could relate so well with the book, stating, “That’s just like me” and I could see a change in his demeanour and body language in his knowing that there are other kids out there, just like him.

School Counselor

As a nuclear family, we love that the books contain so much scripture in teaching our children God’s word.

Ces, Father of 5, Pastor

Karina’s books give children permission to have their feelings validated and provide comfort and healing to their souls.

Tania

When it comes to blending 2 families together or doing it by yourself there are a number of unique issues.  If you find yourself in a role as a single parent, stepparent or trying to help siblings navigate their new situation it can be very tough.   

We at Focus on the Family Australia, want to help relationships and families  be as healthy as they can be.  We know it is not an easy task unifying 2 families or doing it solo.  

We highly recommend Blended Not Shaken Ministries to help provide some tools to cultivate a loving, blended or single parent home to achieve a sense of unity in your new family. 

Brett Ryan, CEO Focus on the Family Australia