Blended Not Shaken Ministries and Publications

Christian step/single parent and blended families ministry.

When you decide to blend

Tips for blended families

My husband Tony and I have been blending our step family since December 2006 and are both joyful and thankful to be celebrating 15 years of marriage by God’s grace this year. For those who don’t know our story, we were both single parents when we met. We are both strong Christians. We received sound counselling and sought godly wisdom from those we trusted. We have sought to raise our blended family using biblical principles and encourage others in the same situation to follow our example. While we haven’t always gotten it right (just ask our 4 children!), our heart’s desire is to honour the Lord through our lives and family and pray others do the same. The books I have written and continue to write for single and step parent families are a ministry to this group of people in the Christian community.

Below are 11 tips we offer to those who are seriously considering blending a new family or who are already a blended family looking for advice.

1.Keep the Lord at the centre of your marriage and family

2.Be stable, consistent and gracious with all your children

3.Realise you are responsible for your own household

4.Spend quality time with your biological children

5.Foster healthy relationships with your step children

6.Give your children the freedom to love both parents

7.Stay positive when talking of the other parent (your ex)

8.Provide safe, predictable and brief handovers/handbacks

9.Give children grace in the transition between households

10.Ensure your home has routine, structure and organisation

11.Create new family traditions and memories

2 Responses

  1. Thank you. I relate to this. I only wish we had looked into how to blend BEFORE marriage. We were so focused on US we just assumed kids would just go along with it. It’s not bad but not ideal. Would love to know if it’s not too late to do better, and step we can take to correct it

    Reply

    1. Hello Miriam,

      Thank you for your comment. I agree that the more preparation you and your spouse can invest before re-marriage, the better. That’s the ideal but often Christians re-marrying have short engagements and are (naturally) a little caught up in the excitement of it all, they fail to do their research. I believe that good re-marriage courses are the way to go if they are available and are led by a couple who have re-married and are blending their family, having done so for a few years to offer help through their own experience. But, to answer your question, it’s never too late to do better. First and foremost, re commit your marriage and blended family to the Lord. Commit to praying for your marriage and family regularly. Speak to the kids and allow time for them to honestly express how they are faring and feeling. Resolve to do all things the Lord’s way and be consistent at it. Find other Christian couples in a similar situation if you can. Talk to your pastor and others to pray for your family as well. This is what Tony and I have done. These strategies have helped us. I pray they help you too! It can, with the Lord’s help, get better! Blessings…

      Reply

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TESTIMONIALS

What people say?

My Two Houses was one of my favourite books as a younger person. It helped me understand how I was feeling about having two homes. I feel as though Karina’s books have simplified a confusing situation, in a way for all ages to understand.

Charlotte

There is affirmation and encouragement to single dads and mums through “Let’s shout out to single dads” and “Sing a song to single mums”, anchoring their value, peace and endurance in the Word of God.

Librarian

Clear, fun explanations in “My family bush” of hard to decipher terms like half-brother and half-sister, full brother or sister, step-parent and how they connect to the relationships within a family.  Relating that to Jesus’ own family could be a revelation to children that their own family structure is not so different after all, that families who love and care for each other are part of God’s plan, no matter how they are made up.

Librarian

One step at a time: a step family journal“ is an honest, humorous yet life and faith affirming read for those approaching and in middle years. The use of illustrations in the text make it appealing and engaging.

Librarian

Karina’s books are very helpful when you struggle to relate to a child of separated or divorced parents when you haven’t experienced this yourself. I have quietly read or given time for a child to read one of the books and then wait for their responses. I find Karina’s books extremely helpful in my ministry to children.

Chaplain

I am often in awe of God’s amazing timing! My morning began with feelings of despair over a family relationship that had broken down. I poured out my heart to the Lord, seeking His comfort and guidance. A short time later there was a knock on my door and the postie handed me a package. It was Karina’s book “Sing a Song to Single Mums”. As I read, I came across a page that spoke directly to my situation!

Even down to the illustration! My day ended with renewed hope in God’s promise that He works all things… good things and bad things… together, for the good of those who love Him. I am so thankful to Karina for writing such a beautiful book and for the Lord’s timing in delivering it into my hands precisely when I needed to read it!

Single Mum

Caught in the Middle is one of my favourite books because, whenever I read it, I feel close to God.

River

I read My Two Houses with my entire Year 5 class. They loved it! It began a wonderful conversation which allowed many students to be vulnerable enough to be open about their feelings and situations at home as well as to a better understanding of what some of their classmates go through with divorced parents.

Primary Teacher

I have used My Two Houses with a 13-year boy during one of my sessions with him. He loved that he could relate so well with the book, stating, “That’s just like me” and I could see a change in his demeanour and body language in his knowing that there are other kids out there, just like him.

School Counselor

As a nuclear family, we love that the books contain so much scripture in teaching our children God’s word.

Ces, Father of 5, Pastor

Karina’s books give children permission to have their feelings validated and provide comfort and healing to their souls.

Tania

When it comes to blending 2 families together or doing it by yourself there are a number of unique issues.  If you find yourself in a role as a single parent, stepparent or trying to help siblings navigate their new situation it can be very tough.   

We at Focus on the Family Australia, want to help relationships and families  be as healthy as they can be.  We know it is not an easy task unifying 2 families or doing it solo.  

We highly recommend Blended Not Shaken Ministries to help provide some tools to cultivate a loving, blended or single parent home to achieve a sense of unity in your new family. 

Brett Ryan, CEO Focus on the Family Australia