Blended Not Shaken Ministries and Publications

Christian step/single parent and blended families ministry.

Traditions

Family traditions. We all have them. If asked, we could recall them quite readily; both those from our childhood as well as adults with our own families. Some of our childhood traditions have invoked such positive emotions in us, we have adopted them to continue with our children.

As it’s less than a month before we celebrate Christmas and our family put up our Christmas tree tonight, I thought I’d write a short blog on family traditions, share some of ours and give my reasons why it’s particularly important for blended families to create traditions as soon as possible.

HOLIDAYS, QUALITY TIME & ANNIVERSARIES

When Tony and I were married and blended an instant family of five with number six added 10 months later, we were determined to create new traditions. We knew this was especially important for our children who were 7, 5 and 30 months at the time of our wedding. They had gone from a single-parent family of 2 or 3 and much of their sole parent’s attention to having another parent and step-siblings to share with their biological parent. As well as adopting my family’s tradition of a yearly family holiday to a location somewhere in Australia, which has enriched our family with great memories, we needed to ensure our biological children would be able to spend one on one time with Tony and I as well.

This has manifested in a number of ways. I’ve taken them shopping or to a movie, out for a meal or even just a hot drink. Tony may complete a project with them or visit with a family member.They may have had a day absent from school and spent the day with me doing many and varied tasks or nothing much at all. But the ministry of presence, of giving them our full attention without the others in our family around for a while, has been invaluable for our relationships.

Each wedding anniversary is made into a special occasion for Tony and I. We try to go away for a night or a weekend, indulge in a fabulous meal or two and give each other treats and gifts reserved only for this celebration. We figured out very early on in our marriage, that blending a family is VERY HARD WORK so each year in, we celebrate the fact that, by God’s grace, we are still married!

FAMILY DEVOTIONS and CHURCH

One of our family’s traditions is to make a special trip at the end of each year to our main Christian bookshop in the city.Our children have come to know this tradition involves each of them choosing a new devotional book for themselves ready for the year ahead.

While we know how imperative it is for our children to see us dedicating an amount of time each day in personal devotional time and to role model this spiritual discipline, it is equally important for us as their parents to instill this in them as well. As the old saying goes, “God has no grandchildren”, Christian parents must not fall into the tragic mistake of believing their children will naturally read their bibles, pray and spend time learning the ways of the Lord without our help, guidance and encouragement. Our children have come to expect us to ask them from time to time ‘How’s your quiet times going?’ or ‘What’s the Lord been saying to you lately’?

Another tradition (or habit?) we have is family devotional time around a meal at the table or in the family room. Although such times are not set in stone, our hope is that our children, when they have homes and families of their own will remember our family devotions tradition and carry it on into the next generation.

From the earliest time that they could comprehend their surroundings, church attendance and service to God’s people have helped define what we do together as a family unit. Although it has always grieved me our children are unable to go to church weekly due to their contact arrangement with their other parent, they know full well that unless we are sick or away on a holiday or trip, they will be going to church with us each fortnight and when they reach an appropriate age, will volunteer some of their time and talents to serving in the church worship service.

Family traditions are important. They create memories. They instill a sense of belonging. They distinguish one family from another. They give a sense of security. They build trust and hope. The right ones can produce a foundation for your childrens’ maturity development, creating in them sound patterns for life and living with others. Families have traditions. It’s what they do. Blended families and single parent families should be no different- they are families too! And your children need to know this important fact!

Our prayer as both parents and spouses would be that whatever traditions we have either adopted or created, would be for the benefit of our children and marriage and will bring glory to God.

Blessings…

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TESTIMONIALS

What people say?

My Two Houses was one of my favourite books as a younger person. It helped me understand how I was feeling about having two homes. I feel as though Karina’s books have simplified a confusing situation, in a way for all ages to understand.

Charlotte

There is affirmation and encouragement to single dads and mums through “Let’s shout out to single dads” and “Sing a song to single mums”, anchoring their value, peace and endurance in the Word of God.

Librarian

Clear, fun explanations in “My family bush” of hard to decipher terms like half-brother and half-sister, full brother or sister, step-parent and how they connect to the relationships within a family.  Relating that to Jesus’ own family could be a revelation to children that their own family structure is not so different after all, that families who love and care for each other are part of God’s plan, no matter how they are made up.

Librarian

One step at a time: a step family journal“ is an honest, humorous yet life and faith affirming read for those approaching and in middle years. The use of illustrations in the text make it appealing and engaging.

Librarian

Karina’s books are very helpful when you struggle to relate to a child of separated or divorced parents when you haven’t experienced this yourself. I have quietly read or given time for a child to read one of the books and then wait for their responses. I find Karina’s books extremely helpful in my ministry to children.

Chaplain

I am often in awe of God’s amazing timing! My morning began with feelings of despair over a family relationship that had broken down. I poured out my heart to the Lord, seeking His comfort and guidance. A short time later there was a knock on my door and the postie handed me a package. It was Karina’s book “Sing a Song to Single Mums”. As I read, I came across a page that spoke directly to my situation!

Even down to the illustration! My day ended with renewed hope in God’s promise that He works all things… good things and bad things… together, for the good of those who love Him. I am so thankful to Karina for writing such a beautiful book and for the Lord’s timing in delivering it into my hands precisely when I needed to read it!

Single Mum

Caught in the Middle is one of my favourite books because, whenever I read it, I feel close to God.

River

I read My Two Houses with my entire Year 5 class. They loved it! It began a wonderful conversation which allowed many students to be vulnerable enough to be open about their feelings and situations at home as well as to a better understanding of what some of their classmates go through with divorced parents.

Primary Teacher

I have used My Two Houses with a 13-year boy during one of my sessions with him. He loved that he could relate so well with the book, stating, “That’s just like me” and I could see a change in his demeanour and body language in his knowing that there are other kids out there, just like him.

School Counselor

As a nuclear family, we love that the books contain so much scripture in teaching our children God’s word.

Ces, Father of 5, Pastor

Karina’s books give children permission to have their feelings validated and provide comfort and healing to their souls.

Tania

When it comes to blending 2 families together or doing it by yourself there are a number of unique issues.  If you find yourself in a role as a single parent, stepparent or trying to help siblings navigate their new situation it can be very tough.   

We at Focus on the Family Australia, want to help relationships and families  be as healthy as they can be.  We know it is not an easy task unifying 2 families or doing it solo.  

We highly recommend Blended Not Shaken Ministries to help provide some tools to cultivate a loving, blended or single parent home to achieve a sense of unity in your new family. 

Brett Ryan, CEO Focus on the Family Australia